


Its Always Ourselves That We Find in the Sea

by callmecassandra



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Audrey came back as herself, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Not Epilogue Compliant, Pre-OT3, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 12:57:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6855649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmecassandra/pseuds/callmecassandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Troubles may be over, but that doesn't mean that everyone has forgotten what happened or learned how to live with it. Now matter how hard things get, sometimes the best form of therapy is just a day at sea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Its Always Ourselves That We Find in the Sea

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whiskeredpurr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiskeredpurr/gifts).



> This is my first Haven fic, and my first in quite some time in any fandom. I seem to be a little rusty and have clearly forgotten how to dialogue...but I like the way this one turned out.

The troubles were gone, but that didn’t mean that they didn’t linger like ghosts in the back of everyone’s minds. Haven was full of ghosts: the ghosts of lost loved ones, the ghosts of unintended horrors, the ghosts of fear and loss. The initial dizzy rush of joy and triumph, so potent after they had realized that they had _won_ , that they were all alive and themselves and Trouble-free, had faded over time and now they were left picking up the pieces in the aftermath.

  
Duke had gotten used to late night visitors, to Audrey casually dropping by the Rogue after midnight, acting as if it were a social call in the middle of the afternoon. Nathan would never be far behind her, sleep rumpled and blurry eyed, and the two would cuddle up on his couch while he fixed them all adult hot chocolates, heavy on the Kahlua for the two coffee addicts.

  
He knew what kind of bad dreams roused them from their shared warmth in Nathan’s bed and brought them to his boat, because he had them most nights himself. There were so many ways it all could have gone wrong. He could have died. He could have given into Croatoan’s control and given over all the Troubles inside him, making Audrey’s father unstoppable. Nathan could have died trying to stop Audrey from going into the new Barn. Audrey could have come back as someone else entirely, another imprint erasing everything she had fought so hard to become. All three of them were so aware of the possibilities that sometimes they just needed to check in with each other to be certain that things really had turned out alright in the end.

  
Duke knew that something had to give. Somehow, they needed a break to relax the tension coiling tighter and tighter, as the panic and night terrors kept them awake and on edge. He knew the two workaholics would never agree to a day off, despite the fact that they had had little more to worry about than cats in trees in the new Haven. They were still waiting on edge for a Trouble to manifest, unable to truly believe it was really over.

  
He had gone to Dwight. Dwight had been more than happy to order them to take time off, given that the two of them prowling around the office meant that he couldn’t relax either. Duke had loaded up the Rogue with bait, beer, and snacks and waited for Audrey and Nathan to show up, complaining about being bored. He sent them into the galley to grab a few beers and started the engine, sailing them away from shore before they realized it. Audrey had grinned at him, thrilled at the adventure of not knowing where they were going but trusting Duke to get them there safely. Nate had given him a stern look, which had relaxed somewhat when Duke told him they were going fishing.

  
Duke could feel Nathan’s eyes on him as he dropped the anchor and set about busying himself with flipping switches and tying knots to keep himself from meeting the intense gaze. He had known that Nathan would recognize the location immediately, but he also knew that being a man of few words, there was a distinct possibility that they would never have to talk about it. All these years later, he and Nate were finally getting a chance to resume the ill-fated fishing trip that had been interrupted by the Coast Guard and had lead to the fight that caused Nathan to lose his sense of touch.

Duke had never forgotten that he had been the cause of Nathan’s trouble, that Nathan had felt strongly enough about his seeming betrayal that he had ceased to feel at all. Duke wasn’t an idiot. He knew how the troubles worked. There were always deep emotional scars at the heart of them, manifesting psychological issues in physical form. The two of them had been as close as brothers once, until their different upbringings had levered them apart. Nathan had left Haven to go to the police academy and Duke had just left Haven, desperate to escape the stigma and scrutiny he had grown up with as Simon Crocker’s son. Now, casting a line into the same waters all these years later, felt like redemption. It felt like coming home.

Audrey was sprawled out on a lounge chair on the deck, sunglasses and hat scattered on the ground beside her as she soaked in the sun. She was learning how to relax, though she had a feeling that actively forcing yourself to do so was probably against the spirit of relaxation. This was nice, though. A part of her was normally on edge no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that the Troubles were gone and everything was now normal and boring and safe. Safe was too new a concept for her to register in her subconscious. She wondered how Duke had known exactly what she needed. Here on the Rouge, anchored far from the shore and listening to her boys bicker over which bait was best, she felt herself go boneless as the rocking of the waves and the warmth of the sunshine lulled her into a sleepy state.

She was glad that no one had offered her another fishing pole. She had tried to joke it off at first, the idea that she would go on a fishing trip with no intention of casting a reel, but something in Nathan’s eyes had told her the humor had fallen flat and she had seen him exchanging knowing glances with Duke. She loved her boys, but they were about as subtle as a brick. Dwight had invited her out with him and Lizzie to fish off the docks a few weeks before, but it hadn’t gone well.

The truth was that fishing has lost its appeal after everything that had happened. After she had come back from the Barn (the first time), after she had learned the truth behind the Troubles, after she had lost herself to Mara and then found herself again, after she had gone back into the Barn and once more returned with her memories intact, she couldn’t stomach it. Fishing had become more than casting a reel on the sparkling blue waves and drinking a beer while waiting for a nibble. All she could see now was metaphor. Something about dangling the bait in the water, luring an unsuspecting creature into a trap and toying with its life, playing God and deciding whether it would live or die as it squirmed on a hook and gasped for breath… Too much of it was pure Mara.

Her stomach squirmed as she thought about it now, even though fish were obviously not people and catching them was nothing like Troubling innocent bystanders just to see what would happen. Some wounds were just too fresh, the ghosts too close to the surface. She wondered if the ghost of Mara would ever go away.

While Audrey drifted off, Nathan was casting his line, determined to catch a bigger fish than Duke. They two of them had fought over which bait to use and where to cast in, as they fought about everything else. Their words had lost their sharpness over the years and they now fought more out of habit than malice. Dwight accused them of being an old married couple, but Nathan couldn’t even be mad at him about it. He was still so raw, fluctuating between being overjoyed by Lizzie’s return and being heartbroken about the loss of what he and Charlotte could have been.

Nathan put all thoughts of fighting out of his head as he soaked in as much sensation as he could, still greedy for it after so long feeling nothing at all. He closed his eyes and tilted his face into the sun, feeling the light mist of the sea spray hit his cheeks. The reel in his hand was smooth and cold and there was an itch on his leg that was driving him crazy. Duke was right beside him and as they talked they thoughtlessly invaded each other’s personal space. Nathan could feel the weight of Duke’s hand on his shoulder and back, the warmth of his skin, the rough fabric of the ugly old-man sweater Duke was sporting. With Audrey behind him lazy with contentment and Duke in his line of sight, safe and sane, Nathan found himself slowly begin to relax.

That night, Duke cooked up fillet of fish from Nathan’s catch and roasted some vegetables while Audrey and Nathan looked for whales off in the distance. Audrey had still never gotten out in a boat far enough to see them, but Duke had promised that that was first thing on the list for their next day off. They sat on the deck and ate dinner watching the setting sun turn the water vibrant shades of red and gold. As the stars began to come out, Duke headed inside to steer them back home.

He knew not everything could be fixed in a day. The nightmares wouldn’t go away and the moments of panic wouldn’t stop just because they had enjoyed themselves in the sun and the spray. That was okay. There would be other days. For now, they were safe, they were together, and they were happy.

That was enough.


End file.
